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Honestly, I don't know if this is going to work out, but I wanted to try and use this kind of format so I can vent and express my thoughts, I think my problems can be seen by others and make them see themselves reflected in them. Who knows. I don't even know how to organize things, at least right now, maybe when I get more time and motivation I will try to organise more my thoguhts so that people can understand them in a much easier way.
I'm currently studying "cybersecurity" and, for the first time in my life, living away from my parents. I've always lived in a small town, so, although I'm not actually living in a big city, this athmospehere around me is not like anything I've encountered before. I like this city, it's smaller than other ones, and people tend to be pretty nice. Also, this has forced me to search for ways of not depending of others, which is pretty good, considering that, even tho I've always liked doing things on my own, my parents have always been with me, helping with whatever I needed. So, one of the ways I found of dealing with loneliness, stress and what I like to call "adult life" or "independent life" is by romantizing things. I think one of the main problems of people is that they want to see themselves as successful or whatever, which, when being a student, alone in a city, without anything that can hold them tight and an uncertain future, can be pretty hard. I love little things in life, and those little things in life hold me and allow me to feel "successful", even tho at the eyes of others I'm not. Having a coffee, drawing, reading, or writing something (as I am right now) have helped me to appreciate other things in life. Also, by romantizing studies, I felt as if I got better grades, simple things as lighting some candless, writing with nice pens, testing new writing fonts that are much beautiful for the eye; this things have become my method of studying, because my mind sees this things and Inmediately feels captivated and not forced to study, like a moth to a flame, my mind wants to study because it feels like a beautiful thing to do. _I'm not studying for my next history exam, I'm currently an important author from the 18th Century, who has to finish it's work about the black plague._ I recommend everyone to try to romantize their life, put on some music, brew a nice coffee and just enjoy themselves while doing something.
Also, since I arrived at this city, my love for music has rocketed into oblivion. I've always loved music, ALL KINDS OF IT, and I mean ALL. But I had an immesurable love for metal, rock, punk and other similar genres. When living in my small town, expressing my love for this kind of genres always seemed like a tough task. I was afraid someone would comment on my clothes, or critiquized for liking music, etc... But when I started living in the city, everything changed. I saw people walking down the street with t-shirts of the bands I liked, and even some rocking BattleJackets full of patches. I think that made a click inside my head. I started getting more interest, not only in music, but also on the fashion and political ideas behind some of the genres I liked, but money was a problem, I wasn't poor, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't just spend 50€ in a Death sweater, so instead I opted for a much economical approach: DIY. Because I was getting more interesting in punk, I saw the huge DIY culture behind it (as well as the Anti-Capitalist ideas in their fashion and lifestyle), so I started learning how to create my own merch and clothes. Started learing how to sew, how to print t-shirts in my house and how to re-use things that I didn't even know I could re-use. With that also came the fact that my political awareness started raising. I tried to stop fast-shopping and started doing my own clothes and accessories, and with that, I started thinking of printing my own clothes and patches to sell them to other people that didn't have the time or tools to make them so that I could make a buck or two to pay for my coffee addiction. I wanted to sell custom-made clothes and patches so that people could start developing their own style and get some motivation to DIY their clothes and persona.
So, this is all I wanted to talk for now. I will try to update this every few days or whenever I want. Hope you find yourself reflected in my thoughts and story and that you can use it to help yourself or feel motivated. You are not alone in this :)
I'm so tired right now. I haven't distributed my time properly throughout the days and this has lead to me having some mental breakdowns. I'm recovering right now, or so I think, I don't even know.
These days I've also been studying about pagan religions and trying to find with which I "connect" the most. This has potenciated the mental breakdowns, because I was so lost during the search.
I've come to the conclusion that being eclectic is probably the best solution to all my problems. I don't need to follow some beliefs that a group followed, I just have to believe those things that I really believe. Thats why I decided to just write about my beliefs and start investigating in those deities that I connect the most and find attracted to. I'll maybe update on this, I don't know, if I find it relevant and it helps me during my daily life, which I hope so.
Speaking of beliefs, I think that everyone should have a belief. It helps clear the mind and have motivation and hope to keep moving. You don't even have to follow a "religion", because YOU can make your own beliefs, mold this beliefs however you want and enjoy the benefits of this without going crazy trying to find the perfect religion for you.
It's like politics. People have their own ideologies, and they don't usually agree 100% on the choices made by political parties, because each of us are completely independant and with our own thoughts.
Once again, sorry for the late update (and also for how empty this page is), I'll try to keep it up :)